The Confession
by Kokytos
Summary: Kyon finally wants to know the truth: "Are Koizumi's feelings towards me those of a friend? Or rather those of a boyfriend?" Finally, he musters all his courage and asks the Esper. But the answer he'll get shall surprise him.


**The Confession**

 _(English is not my first language, so I humbly beg your forgiveness for any mistakes I made in the text.)_

It's been a long day. A tedious session of the SOS-Brigade in the usual coffee shop has ended one hour ago, and while the girls had been allowed to take their leave, the boys had been ordered by Her Majesty Haruhi the Merciless to stay and brainstorm some ideas for the next Culture Festival. (Not that Haruhi would use their ideas; next week she'll ignore any propositions of the two and just decide whatever she felt like.)

Kyon always enjoyed his stays in the coffee house. A beautiful ambience (especially when – just like now – the sun coated the streets with honey), delicious drinks, reasonable prices and the fond memories Kyon had of this place. But today, things were different. Today the Esper with the brown hair sitting across the table und drinking the last drops of green tea in his cup was on Kyon's mind.

On any other day, Kyon wouldn't mind Koizumi: He was his best friend and he always took great joy in Koizumi's presence. But today there was an unpleasant topic he had to talk about with him.

Kyon stared at the white tea cup in Koizumi's hands while gathering his courage to broach the subject; a subject which was not to be talked about in public. But Kyon had enough of postponing this conversation, and now the circumstances were perfect: Nobody sat directly next to them while the chattering of the other guests was loud enough to create a sphere of privacy. _De facto_ he sat alone with the ever smiling Esper.

Suddenly, Koizumi rose from his seat and meant to say good-bye, so Kyon had to act and hurriedly asked him to stay a little longer. The Esper sat down again, staring at Kyons face, waiting, smiling genially. After a few seemingly eternal seconds, Kyon said, "Koizumi ... There has been something on my mind ... for a long time now ... and I wish to settle this once and for all ... I, uhm ..." He stared at Koizumi's right ear so it would at least appear that he were looking into the other's eyes. "It's a rather intimate matter, but ... Do you– You're free to don't answer at all ... But, uhm ... Do you like me? Like in ... are you ... gay?"

Kyon was aware of the fact that his question concerned not just a very intimate matter (which was on top of it none of his business) and was indeed insolent, but the behaviour of the Esper had been just as insolent in the past. In Kyon's opinion this gave him the right to this brazen question.

Also, Kyon posed the question with a noble intention in mind, he wanted to help the Esper – should his suspicion prove as correct. Because Kyon wasn't gay (any doubts about this could be dispelled by the magazines with sticky pages Kyon kept under a loose floorboard, out of reach of the inquisitive fingers of his little sister) he wouldn't be able to requite any tender feelings Koizumi might harbour towards him. And Kyon wished to keep unnecessary harm und sorrow from his friend.

"Gay?", Koizumi laughed, not in the least offended. "What makes you think so?" He leaned forward, tenderly taking Kyon's hand into his own. "That's ridiculous."

His face void of any expression, Kyon watched the slender fingers of the Esper softly gliding over the back of his hand. But he did not push them away, they were the perfect example of all the things Koizumi did that annoyed and confused Kyon so much and made him doubt the sexual orientation of the Esper.

"What makes me think so? Are you serious?" His eyelid twitching, Kyon glared in turn at their touching hands and at Koizumi's face. "Since I've first met you—since the very first day—you've been giving me these signals– Jeez, you're caressing my hand! And you seriously ask me, what makes me think so?"

Koizumi didn't answer, just kept on smiling happily and let his fingertips brush across Kyon's skin. And the boy without a surname couldn't help but think, 'His fingers feel incredibly soft and pleasant.'

"Don't get me wrong, Koizumi! If you were gay, I wouldn't mind at all! You're one of my dearest friends and that's not going to change so soon! ... In fact, I would be somewhat flattered, if you liked me like more than a good friend ..." And unintentionally he added: "And I have to admit, I am somewhat curious—"

Koizumi's abrupt burst of laughter kept Kyon from saying out loud what he's curious about, and at the same time it attracted moderately irritated looks from other guests of the café.

"There seems to be a misunderstanding, Kyon." The Esper moved to the seat next to Kyon and looked deep into Kyon's sceptic eyes, "While it may be true that I like you more than just a friend ... I am not gay."

Kyon squinted his eyes. Either Koizumi was so far in the closet he was lying to himself, or there was indeed a misunderstanding: "Koizumi, it seems you don't know what _gay_ means."

"Au contraire, mon ami." Koizumi moved closer towards Kyon and put an arm round his shoulder. "It is you who, as it seems, doesn't know I'm a woman."

...

Kyon snorted.

"Really?" He couldn't understand what Koizumi intended with this nonsense, shifted away from the Esper until the distance between them was comfortable, and said indifferently: "You're a woman? ... What a coincidence, it just so happens I'm not what I seem to be as well. In fact I'm a Schnitzel ... A Wiener Schnitzel, to be precise."

"You don't believe me, Kyon?"

"I won't honour this question with an answer."

Koizumi sighed and moved again nearer to his friend: "For exactly that reason I claim to be a man!"

The Esper suddenly rested his head on the shoulder of Kyon who, under different circumstances, would have pushed Koizumi immediately away. But there was an unsettling gloomy ring to Koizumis voice that paralyzed Kyon. And another inadequate thought crept into Kyon's mind as he felt the Esper's chestnut hair beneath his nose, 'He smells wonderfully of peaches'. In the next moment he raised his hand to shove the Esper away—and stopped again: His friend did seem deeply troubled, shouldn't he rather give him an encouraging pat on the back?

And while Kyon reasoned thusly, Koizumi went on: "Because of my small breasts nobody believes me, when I say I'm a woman."

Kyon startled. "B... Breasts?!" He had seen Koizumi's nude torso often—and if there had been breasts he would have noticed.

"Back at my old school I was harassed because of that ... It became so unbearable my family decided to move and send me to another school ... where I just claim to be a man. Everybody believes me, nobody harasses me. It's a lot easier that way."

Kyon was baffled. What does he mean? Is he serious? Either this was an exceedingly primitive lie or an exceedingly sad life story. And Kyon couldn't help himself, he had to throw a surreptitious glance at Koizumi's chest where not even the faintest hint of breasts was to be seen. If he, or _she_ , was indeed a woman then—

He was interrupted by Koizumi who sat himself straight up und said with hazelnut, sparkling eyes, "But apart from that you're right. I like you, Kyon." He laid his hand on Kyons knee, which tried in vain to escape his grip. "I really like you, like in like-like, more than just as a friend ... I'm well aware", he sighed deeply, "that you prefer girls with big ... bosoms, like Mrs Asahina, but", his hand slowly crept towards Kyon's crotch, "but if you don't mind, you and me, we could ..."

He bent over and whispered into Kyon's ear what the two of them could do.

It is well known that in words oftimes rests great power. And these words, whispered with hot breath, caused a storm of neural impulses in the nether regions of Kyon's body.

But Kyon still couldn't accept the confession. Itsuki Koizumi, a woman? Now THAT is ridiculous! His whole appearance, his facial features, his frame with broad shoulders and thin hips, his voice, his behaviour—well, OK, not his behaviour—but everything else about him seemed male.

Besides, if he were a girl he'd have to take PE classes with the other girls and he wouldn't be allowed to wear the uniform of the boys, but he'd have to wear the one for girls ... The school administration would never stand for this!

But on the other hand ... In the world of Suzumiya Haruhi, anything was possible. And a woman with male features was anything else but unthinkable, and twixt aliens and time travellers it seemed quite mundane.

"You still don't believe me?"

Kyon didn't say anything, snorted once more and shook his head.

"Then let me prove it to you."

Koizumi checked the surroundings whether any other guest was watching, then undid his belt and opened his trousers. Kyon couldn't believe his eyes as he saw the Esper sitting right next to him and exposing his dark blue boxer briefs. And before Kyon could protest, Koizumi had taken Kyon's hand and drew it slowly towards his briefs.

"What the ... Koizumi!" Kyon didn't want to do that. But at the same time he actually somehow did a little bit want to do that ... Actually he did want to touch his friend there. The idea of doing those things which were whispered into his ears just a few moments ago with a female Koizumi, well, this idea had a certain appeal and was quite seductive. And since Koizumi was so self-conscious because of his, beg your pardon, _her_ body ... Kyon had to do those things, didn't he? By doing those things with Koizumi he would show the Esper that there is at least one person who doesn't give a damn about this unwomanly womanly appearance.

Even more, it would be Kyon's moral _duty_ and _obligation_ to help a friend and fellow human being in need and to do those things.

And that Kyon could enjoy himself while helping, well, that would be the cherry on the cake.

But then again, it was a strange and very absurd idea. Even if Koizumi really were a woman he would always be half a man in Kyon's mind; he met him as a man and he existed as a man in all of Kyon's memories.

In the end he allowed reluctantly that Koizumi put Kyon's hand on the Esper's unmentionables, which hid the truth.

Kyon gasped: through the silken fabric he either felt the world's largest clitoris or—way more likely—a half aroused penis of average size.

Koizumi's lips twisted into a big grin, then the indubitably male Esper snorted with laughter: "Gotcha, I'm gay!", and gave Kyon a peck on the lips, which were frozen in terror.

In this moment Kyon awoke with a start. Confused, he looked around in his moon-lit room. It took him some moments to find out that it was all just imagined.

Cursing his brain, which would bring him such nonsensical dreams, he tried to fall asleep again.


End file.
